Real Stories in North Ayrshire

  • I'll live and laugh again poem
    A moving poem describing one woman's feelings

  • Looking Forward
    A woman speaks about her early experiences of heroin and the impacts it had on her life, how methadone helped her get stable, and how she has moved on with her life now that she no longer uses methadone or illicit drugs.

  • One Day at a Time
    A young man who had a good upbringing talks about how drugs affected his life and how he is moving forward with his recovery.

  • This is only the start
    A man recalls not remembering life without alcohol, living in a dump and every penny going on the drink, but importantly how he turned his life around using local support and building friendships and a new life for himself filled with hope and ambition.

  • My Journey into Recovery
    A man tells how his inquisitive mind led him on a path of risk taking and drug use which took over his life, stripped of his job, kids and marriage; and how he has started to turn things around.

  • Moving Forward
    A young man who was homeless talks about how FITB4U helped him reduce his drinking, gain new skills and get his confidence back.

  • My Recovery Story
    A mum of two speaks of her struggle with drugs and how the impact of losing her kids gave her the strength to start and continue her recovery journey with support from local services.
 
title

Looking Forward

 
 

I can’t remember exactly when it was but at some point my life took a u-turn. My partner introduced me to heroin when I was about 18, and by the time I was 23 I’d started injecting it. I can’t remember the first time I took heroin, but I know I was sick every day for 2 months, it was a horrible feeling but it didn’t stop me and for the first time I went out and bought a bag for myself.

 I used on and off over the years, each time I stopped was for different reasons like being in prison or when relationships ended. I ended up in the jail a few times for my drug use and dealing; looking back I regret the part I played in selling drugs. My stays in prison ended up in me losing three houses over the years, but at the time being in jail didn’t bother me; I actually quite liked it as it provided me with structure to my day and kept me busy – something previously lacking from my life.

Now, as I am trying to move on from my past the negatives of my experiences are clear, my past drug use and my criminal record have a massive impact on my employment opportunities. There were impacts on my family life too; although I have kept a strong relationship with my parents throughout everything. When I went into jail my parents took my children and they still stay with them.

The last time I was in jail I took the offer of methadone, to get stable; I was on 40mls before I left. When I came out I stayed on 40ml for a month and then I asked my worker about getting reduced. They agreed and I started reducing my Methadone by 2mls every 2 weeks until I reached 10mls.

Now that I am no longer using illicit drugs and that I am completely off methadone I have a better understanding of my thoughts and I am determined not to go back to my old way of life. I challenge negative thoughts and urges and I just know that this time I’m going to stay off using for good. I have realised that it’s best if I don’t associate with anyone that takes heroin, I’m lucky as I don’t know people that use where I stay. If I do bump into people I know I say "hi” to them but I don’t engage in small chat. People can’t see you doing well, they say it, but then they’ll try and pull you back.

My last goal was to get off meth and go on holiday, I’ve done both now, and I’m still looking forward. I’d love to have a job; I’ll maybe even look at volunteering in the meantime, as it would be nice to give something back. I always think about the decisions I’ve made, about which path to follow, and how things might have been different, but I know the only thing I can have control of is my future, and I’m going to make it a good one.


 
 


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